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结婚前我们需要做好什么样的心理准备
日期:2017-06-26 17:33:33 来源:www.jnzyxlzx.com

一、角色转换。过去我思考问题,做事情是单独的个体。过去是女儿、儿子、同学、朋友及同事等角色。有了婚姻后,我接触的环境变了,我的角色也变了,就要有别于过去不同的规则行事处世,角色也转为了丈夫、妻子、女婿和儿媳等,这些新的角色有新的职责和内容,如果我们再用原来的角色习惯在新角色中运用,往往会碰壁。就如同我们在单位中和领导讲话用和父母讲话的态度一样,就会让人感觉和环境不一致。如果我们用力的方向不对,会让你很累但达不到目标。

Character change. I used to think about problems, and doing things as individuals. She used to be a daughter, a son, a classmate, a friend, and a colleague. A marriage, I contacted the environment changed, my character has changed, there should be different from the past different rules behave, also to the role of husband and wife, son and daughter-in-law, these new roles have new responsibilities and content, if we use the original characters are used in the use of new role, often go to the wall. Just as we talk to our leaders in the unit and speak with our parents, it will make people feel different from the environment. If we force the direction of the wrong, it will make you tired, but failed to achieve the goal.

二、系统协调。我们身体某部位上火,如果不加以分析原因,是虚火还是实火,是阳虚还是阴虚,是外火还是内火,这时我们单纯用药泻火,不小心会对整个机体带来第二次伤害。在我们新的家庭系统中,面对事情时,只在乎自己的喜怒哀惧,没有感知到系统中其他成员的思想,这将会扰乱家庭系统的平衡,家庭成员会感觉烦躁,时间久了,他也会用同样的行为反馈给你。这会恶性循环,伤害着最亲的人。

Two, system coordination. We lit in some parts of the body, if not to cause analysis, fire or fire is Yang or Yin, is outside the fire or fire, then we use simple purging fire, accidentally will bring harm to the whole body second times. In our new home in the face of things, only care about their emotions of fear, not aware of other members in the system of thought, it will disrupt the family balance system, family members will feel annoyed, for a long time, he will use the same behavior back to you. It's a vicious circle that hurts the most intimate people.

三、了解对方的性格。知己知彼,百战不殆。每个人的性格千差万别,我们要尽量了解新家庭成员的性格,才能更好地同他们相处。要明白当他人和我们的思维不一致时,是他的性格、价值观和我们不同,但不是不爱我,否定我。做到求同存异。人的性格分为:和平型、活泼型、完美型和力量型。

Three, understand each other's personality. Know thyself, know yourself. Everyone has different personalities. We should try to understand the character of new family members so that we can get along better with them. Understand that when others are inconsistent with our thinking, it is his character, values and we are different, but not love me, deny me. Seek common ground while reserving differences. Human character is divided into: peaceful type, active type, perfect type and strength type.

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四、共同制定家庭目标。这包括经济目标、婚姻目标、抚育孩子目标及和原生家庭相处目标等。在我咨询个案中发现,夫妻们吵来吵去,离目标越来越远自我却不知。如婚姻是为幸福、温馨、互持等而建立的,但争吵是为了谁说了算,谁应该听谁的······大家要明白我们是在爱的基础上共同面对,我们看看做事情是利人利己还是害人害己?要做共赢而不是两败。

Four. Work together to set family goals. These include economic goals, marital goals, parenting goals, and goals with native families. In my consultation case, I find that husbands and wives quarrel and get away from their goals, but they don't know what they are. If the marriage is built for happiness and warmth, mutual support and etc., but is to quarrel who say, who should listen to anyone --- we have to understand that we are facing on the basis of love, we see things is beneficial or harmful? To be win-win, not two defeats.

五、幸福在自己手中。我听到很多婚姻中的男女讲:只要他(她)改变了,只要他(她)听我话,只要他(她)不出去喝酒应酬,只要他(她)能够和我妈相处融洽,我就没有烦恼了,我的问题都是他造成的。殊不知,他把自己的幸福交给了对方,要让对方来负责自己情绪,自我丢失了却不知。我们要清晰地知晓,只有自己才能掌握自己的幸福,任何人都无法全面满足自己的快乐,包括父母。

Five, happiness in their own hands. I heard a lot of marriage between men and women, as long as he (she) has changed, as long as he (she) to listen to my words, as long as he (she) do not go out to drink, as long as he (she) can get along well with my mother, I would have no trouble, my problem is because of him. Little imagine, he gave his happiness to each other, let each other to be responsible for their emotions, self lost, but I do not know. We should know clearly that only we can control our own happiness. No one can fully satisfy his happiness, including his parents.

六、再婚前准备。如果是再婚,会有很强的不安全感(现在初婚者也有不安全感)。总是担心会有不好的事情发生,遇到经济、孩子等问题时,更倾向于站到自己孩子这边,还有父母担心出现问题,极力站到对方孩子那边。配偶不理解会影响感情;孩子不理解认为妈妈或爸爸不爱我了。我们要遵循家庭系统的优先顺序:当一对夫妇组成家庭时,新的家庭系统要比他们的原生家庭优先,第二次婚姻要比第一次优先,如果新的伴侣中一方再婚时带以前关系的孩子,那么与孩子有关的连结和爱必须保持比新伴侣优先的地位。当新伴侣要求优先旧关系的孩子时,或者当新的一方霸占原本属于亲子关系的那份爱时,这对夫妻就会问题百出。

Six. Prepare before remarriage. If you are married, have a strong sense of insecurity (now the first marriage also have no sense of security). Always worry about bad things happen, when the economy, children and other issues, more inclined to stand on their children's side, and parents worry about problems, try to stand on the other side of the child. A spouse who doesn't understand affects feelings; a child doesn't understand that mom or dad doesn't love me anymore. The priority we should follow the family system: when a couple of family, family system than their original family first, second marriages than in first priority, if a new partner in the remarriage with previous relationships of children, so children related links and love must be preferred than the new partner status. The couple will be full of problems when new couples demand children who prefer old relationships, or when new parties take over the love that belonged to the parent relationship.

本文文章来源:济南心理咨询更多的内容请进入:http://www.jnzyxlzx.com我们的官方网站

This article source: Ji'nan psychological consultation more content please enter: http://www.jnzyxlzx.com our official website


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