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对待秘密,家庭中出现的几种态度问题
日期:2017-09-20 18:17:52 来源:www.jnzyxlzx.com

1、家里存在过什么人一定要讲。家庭系统里存在过的人都是系统的一分子,所有人都要被承认,不管这个人当年做了什么事。

1, there are people in the home, must say. There are people in the family system that are all part of the system, and everyone has to be admitted, no matter what the man did.

2、一些家庭重大事件、经历需要讲,同时要说明如何面对、处理问题。比如,当年你的一个叔叔因为杀人坐过牢。如果你说这是家庭之耻,不要认他这个叔叔,就会有影响;如果说他已为自己的行为负责,就不会影响,或者有正面影响。

2, some important family events, experiences need to speak, at the same time to explain how to face and deal with problems. For example, when one of your uncles was imprisoned for murder. If you say this is a family shame, do not recognize his uncle, he will have an impact; if he has been responsible for his actions, it will not affect, or have a positive impact.

3、自己负面的情绪不能找下一代诉苦。如果父母因为某件伤心事有很多负面情绪,不能找孩子诉苦,不能把孩子牵扯进来。

3, their negative emotions can not find the next generation of complaints. If parents have a lot of negative feelings about something sad, they can't complain to their children, and they can't drag their children into it.

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保留好秘密,揭露坏秘密。美国家庭治疗师伊雯·殷伯-布雷克把秘密区分为4种,认为我们需要将好秘密与坏秘密区别对待。

Keep a secret and expose a bad secret. Blake, a family therapist in America, has classified the secret into 4 categories, saying we need to differentiate between good secrets and bad ones.

有利于我们的幸福和个人发展的“好秘密”需要得到保留。包括轻松有趣的“甜蜜的秘密”,比如生日派对的筹划、求婚计划和给新生儿取名字的选择等;还包括反映我们的脆弱、羞怯和困难的“重要的秘密”,比如我们在日记中的思索、在某些亲密时刻的耳鬓私语,等等。

The good secret that is conducive to our happiness and personal development needs to be preserved. Including the fun of the "sweet secret", such as birthday party planning, proposal and to name the newborn selection; also reflect our fragile, shy and difficult "important secrets", such as in the diary, we think in some intimate moment ear temples whisper, etc..

会严重伤害保守秘密的人和被排斥在外的人的秘密就是“坏秘密”,包括“有害的秘密”和“危险的秘密”。“有害的秘密”构成了我们常说的家庭秘密,比如某个长辈的自杀被说成是出车祸,有一个同父异母的私生子兄弟等。有害的秘密保守得再严密,也可能以出乎意料的方式暴露出来,也许是在一两代之后,它们会左右人们对生活道路的选择,影响人们的自我发展,所以即使情况不紧急,也应作好揭秘的准备。

The secret that seriously hurts the conservative and the excluded is the "bad secret", including "harmful secrets" and "dangerous secrets."". "Harmful secrets" constitute what we often call family secrets, such as the suicide of an older man as a car accident, a half - handed bastard, a brother, etc.. Harmful kept secrets closely in unexpected ways, may also be exposed, perhaps in the one or two generation, they will be on the choice of the way of life around people, affect people's self development, so even if the situation is not an emergency, should also be well prepared for the secret.


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